Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Death screams

The cries of sheer agony you hear across the technological desert belong to Microsoft and the conglomeration of cellphone manufacturers. Their stock plummeted like a large vulture hit by an unseen arrow coated with a white clickwheel flavored poison. Microsoft must certainly have realized that their Zune was damned to a slow and incredibly painful death, the Iphone will only hasten such a demise. Greater concern faces companies such as Motorola and VG, who have spent millions upon "improving" cell phone technology, only to see a computer company erase a past decade's worth of effort. How such an idea has never been conceptualized before, one can only speculate. Are the only technological marvels employed by Apple nowadays? Once again, that anti-creative ideology of modern business rears its hideously ugly face.

The Iphone is so bedazzling that everyone I have spoken to wants one and they want it now. None of this six month shiite, give me one of those cardboard cutouts and I'll be satisfied till June. Only one concern remains, who do I know that will buy one? Murder seems the easiest way to obtain the second coming of Christ in phone form. "All bow before the Lord Apple," speaks the Prophet Jobs.

To clear up any earlier confusion, Sony has lied once again. While they will receive and Emmy, it is for their Dual Shock technology, not the SIAXIS. My outrage has turned to simple mirth as Sony has once again duped us all. Now if only they would clear the air and state the PS3 has been one big joke. Satoru Iwata is coming over for dinner then a few games of Wii Tennis. We're having tacos.

Welcome to America of the future, where polar bears and caribou exist only in the pictures and models hung in museums. Alaska will soon join Los Angeles as the only places where smog can be seen from space. Huzzah the great American democracy.