Oh my god its a penis, everyone run.

Once again the Bush campaign has proved that science has no place in America. Damn those pesky facts, they just keep getting in the way don't they? Despite the fact that there are now hundreds (no that is not pure bullshit) of studies on the inefficacy of abstinence only programs, our faith filled administration is determined to keep telling us that sex is wrong. At least sex outside of marriage or gay sex at the worst. This even though abstinence only has not only been proved to be utterly useless but also more than likely actually harmful (as in increasing rates of pregnancy and STD's). I find it amusing that the United States is mirroring Europe just before their collapse into the dark ages. If we equate Washington with Rome the comparisons are startlingly relevant. A once proud nation filled with educated citizens and a strong military has a leader that is daily being revealed to be more ignorant and hate filled than that neo-nazi I have tied up in my backyard. I find it hysterical that we have no problem with a penis being cut off in a movie but a sixteen year old having sex is the devil's work. Even more amusing is that abstinence only seems to defy the concept of "spread and multiply" doesn't it.

Women can't act (at least according to Warner Brothers!) and the internet has killed all writing

First off on the big news of the day which I think will become nothing more than the usual article of corporate bullshit. Warner Brothers has decided that it will no longer make movies with female leads. Now this has elicited but one understandable response being "What the fuck?" Now as both a businessman and crusader of equality (although not as that ignorant lawyer Gloria Allred sees it), I can understand both sides of the argument. Warner Brothers as a business needs to be profitable and female leads apparently aren't rolling in the big bucks. On the other less ethically challenged hand pulling female leads smacks of misogyny. But I think I understand the problem better than most. Take The Brave One, Jodie Foster's recent pic which flopped at the box office. Women don't want to watch revenge flicks, and men don't want to watch women in revenge flicks. Just like men don't want to watch romantic comedies and women generally don't want to watch male leads in romantic comedies. It's a simple matter of choice, not some deep conspiracy against women's empowerment no matter what some feminist lawyer with her head up her ass might say. Despite the fact that I agree somewhat (women should only have leads in certain types of movies, the same with men), I can't help but feel this idea is only going to backfire horribly against Warner Brothers.

The second big news of the day is this interesting article on the impact the internet has had on professional writing. It's hard as you read further down the article to note the difference between these supposed professional writers. Half appear comfortable with the fact that as technology evolves so too must their modus operandi. The other half sounds like a bunch of old dinosaurs who are afraid that the big bad internet will huff and puff and blow their carefully calculated careers to the ground. And just like the dinosaurs I expect such writers and their inability to evolve to quickly become extinct.

The tasty apple and women's vote

Apple that once mighty champion of the underdog, pinnacle of the rebellion against the evil empire (Microsoft) is daily looking more and more like said empire. Of course everyone and their mother wants an Iphone, I'd offer my first born for one that works with Verizon. Yet apparently Apple has decided to turn about ten percent of their product into nothing more than shiny paperweights with their most recent firmware update. For the numbers look here, and the paperweight thingy can be found all over said internet. But not only is Apple trying to brick the phones of anyone who doesn't use that AT&T monstrosity, but is also apparently bricking those phones with third party apps. Funny how the champion of the underdog, the tool of those who are supposedly truly educated is slowing eradicating the source of its largest support. Apple's first possible mistake was linking the phone with a single carrier. While such a plan obviously has benefits my personal belief is that such a partnership was formed out of necessity. I don't think Apple could produce enough phones to supply the demand it would have seen. The thing that I think Apple has to fear is that some powerful japanese tech company will improve and bypass the Iphone. But then again has anyone made a better mp3 player than the Ipod?


Now for a lesson in hypocrisy thanks to the ever virulent mouth of one Anne Coulter. Apparently she thinks women and single women in particular should not be allowed to vote. I find such a notion absolutely hysterical being that she herself has never found that perfect squeeze to succubize the life out of. I mean just look at her, am I the only one who sees those damned wings and fangs? Apparently. There have been a number of ridiculous propositions from those social conservatives that actually reach the light of day. Yet I am amazed that the concept of repealing essentially the whole suffrage movement has not brought down the wrath of those hairy pitted feminists. Be careful Anne or you might find a large group of large and overly muscular women looking to kick your ass with large smiles under their mustaches.

A little scared but just more annoyed than anything

Ok so this has been a while coming, I apparently can disappear for months at a time. The inability to finish a product of pure creativity is apparently a symptom of the insanity that runs through my familial lineage. But I am trying to ignore those deficits of insanity while using its benefits to my advantage. The recent scare of testicular cancer has not helped but it has not been a detriment either. But enough of that, I do not have cancer or at least I do not have cancer in my nutters. At least I quit killing my lungs with those sticks of black tar and death. Who says you need a Jedi to stop smoking?

Being a professional student the awards of financial aid have been increasingly piling up. Or rather the debt being that my awards have been ludicrously reduced every semester for some unknown and powerful reason. One must wonder if the Secretary of Education, (a one Mrs. Margaret Spellings, a name seemingly destined for teaching) reviews my file yearly and stamps it with a big red "Let's give him shit". Or that's how it appears to this bemused and un-humbled (not sure if that was a word until now) scholar.

It is obvious to everyone except those who live by self-delusion and a failure of recognition that over the past twenty years that gap between rich and poor has widened to a complete canyon. One in which the sunset glows an eerily nuclear green over that growing economic chasm. The issue is not that we are unaware of such a gulf but that the solutions appear ever more ludicrous and ignorantly evil. I do not assume the empty option of equity, but rather the concept of equality that supposedly this country was founded on (it wasn't but that can be saved for another day). As citizens of the "greatest country in the world" should all have the option to nurture our natural talents, yet America seems designed to not only hide greatness but to slowly manipulate and destroy it. There exists almost no real help for those who need it, welfare is nothing more than a joke. We do not care for the children of the poor or the middle class, rather we would prefer to watch Paris Hilton end up in jail. Let us forbid talking about the number of intelligent yet poor children who will not eat a meal tonight and end up malnourished inhibiting their cognitive development. I would ask if our President ever went without dinner but then I realized his brain damage is a combination of previous cocaine use and being dropped on his head too many times as a baby. So that last comment might have gone too far, but it was so easy; almost too easy. Harping on a point that has become almost empty I can not help but repeat what has been said so many times before; we spend hundreds of billions on a war that is not only unjust but dangerous and carries the spark of pure hatred, yet we cannot feed millions of our children. The "greatest country in the world?" I hope not otherwise this world is looking awfully pathetic at the moment.

We're listening to who?

Okay, I'm not going to try and defend Imus. His comments were not only filled with ignorance and seething with hate, they obviously should never have been made. But I will utter these words only once more, Imus should not have been fired.
First of all, while his comments were stupid and racist they were filled with a certain form of admiration. If you listen carefully to the whole conversation the context of the situation becomes more clear. Imus was granting the women a begrudging form of respect, though it was made in the stupidest of ways. Al Sharpton of all people should understand the need for being aware of context, just look at his history.
The larger problem associated with the Imus firing is that he is being forced into the role of a scapegoat for a much larger problem in the society as a whole. Imus as an authority figure did have a responsibility for the information presented on his show. But since when have Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson been the voices of American conscience. It is funny that when double standards exist for white males, the idea is thrown aside because he still made the comment. So as a white male I am forced to put up with such double standards and yet women and minority groups get off scott free. If Sharpton would demand such a change in the dangerous black culture I would not have such a problem. But to demand such conditions and to expect more just because he was white. If there is one message I could send to any black political party it is distance yourself as much as possible from the dinosaurs of the classic civil rights movement. Times have changed and so should your leaders.

Collapse of the politicos

Much ado about nothing could be used to describe the current presidential conditions. Or rather much ado about empty economic numbers. Hillary Clinton (I refuse to use that pretentious third name) has apparently performed an economic miracle in raising $26 million. Pundits all about are swooning over her vicarious ability to reach those numerous and prosperous middle class supporters. Never mind that a vast amount of said money was previously raised by her senate campaigns. Nothing like year old green left overs. I'm certain the delicious BBQ sauce the modern media slathers her in doesn't hurt either. MMMM, full of shit democrat, nothing tastes better.

Of course what else could make the rounds on CNN but the fact that Barak Hussein Obama (I will use his middle, and no I am not misogynistic) matched Clinton, in a smaller period of time.His $25 million is made even more impressive by the fact that it was given by 30,000 more donations. Everyone meet the black, skinny Bill Clinton.

Yet because I am neither a fan of either Clinton or Obama (although I would prefer Obama), the truly scary number belongs to that Mormon republican. My ears ring with the scary thought of a Romney - Ginrich 2008 ticket. He raises $23 million and is ignored by the modern media for the most part. That he is primarily unknown will work to his advantage. If the democrats really want to worry wait till Romney's numbers jump starting late this year.

Are we ever gonna have a strong presidential candidate? Forgetting the fact that Al Gore will run once he gets the nobel peace prize.

Finding a way

I cannot help but post my enthusiasm for tonight's Lost. This singular episode focused on one of the most underused characters. Sayid is one of the more interesting characters and has been unfairly ignored like the black sheep's bastard child. Finally they returned to the formula that made season one so great. Lost was never designed to exist for an extended time, such a high concept show has a limited shelf life. Any intelligent writer could realize this. Tonight we found numerous answers to old questions while providing us with fresh ones.

Being a purist I couldn't help but be a little skeptical when I heard there would be three villains battling good ol spidey in his upcoming blockbuster. Sam Raimi is making the Godfather of comic book films. What I'm looking for here is an epic and anything under two and half hours won't cut it. Here's hoping he had enough sway in Hollywood to get away with it. From the pics of Venom and the seven minutes from NBC last night, I'm betting enough hookers found their way to the champagne room. Benjamin Franklin was certainly smiling at the camaraderie, you know he's such a pimp.

In response to the backlash that one of Wikipedia's tenured professional contributors was actually nothing more than a mere lying insolent college failure, Jimmy Wales has decided to demand credentials. While my love for the online encyclopedia is undeniable, I cannot help but agree this is a good idea. Like getting into one of those steel cages before you go swimming with the sharks. It adds a layer of insulation to prevent your ass from getting rubbed raw by the sheeply denizens of the interweb. Most of Wikipedia is reliable, or so I hope. Usually topics of concern on the site involve those articles discussing the pinnacle of capitalistic evolution, i.e. Wal-Mart, Microsoft and so on. But I cannot help but wonder if this free source encyclopedia has now become another tool for the already enlightened than a weapon of free speech.

Oh and Joseph McCarthy had a bastard child with Satan, her name is Ann Coulter. Next she will deny the holocaust, just watch.

What if Jesus smoked pot?

Sony is lacking a solid grasp on reality. I hope that siphoning off the green economic lifeblood of the Japanese powerhouse hasn't made the company woozy. The gold I.V. isn't quite ready yet. Despite tales of unsold PS3's throughout the electronics world, Sony still claims its faltering flagship console is in great demand. Too bad its harder than Lindsey Lohan to program for. If the PS3 is Lohan then the 360 is like Angelina Jolie, sleek and sexy but easy. I guess that would make the Wii... Madonna. You know where this is going and if you don't, go find yourself a town bicycle.


Every day it seems something so fantastically hysterical falls into my lap I need to share it. There now exists Conservapedia, the conservative alternative to Wikipedia. It's a vertiable treasure trove of material, something I will have to check back on. Maybe I should do a Conservapedia explanation of the day. I gotta ask thought, if there was concrete scientific proof Jesus smoked like Tommy Chong up and down the river Jordan, would you put that on your pages of notice? Cause Jesus has smoked pot, he came to me in a dream holding a purple bong toking like there's no tomorrow. Eyes bloodshot deep red, I'm telling you he had some good shit.

In what can only be described as a moment of serendipity, Stephen Hawking will experience what its like to be in space. Somewhat. He'll be weightless on one of those big boeing jets that dive down towards the looming ground. Personally I would not want to be on an enormous plane that is purposely being flown towards the ground at enormous velocities. Of course this from the kid who thought taking a little red wagon down a rather large hill was a solid idea.

An oscar for every occasion

The academy may not have made the best choice, The Departed was an exceptionally well made morality tale about the pitfalls of power and corruption, yet it was something we have seen numerous times before. Still it was Scorsese's turn and like stoned badger after twinkies, he could not be denied. Part of me thought that momentum Little Miss Sunshine had received would push the sappy Indy pic to victory, Babel's chances having been obliterated by illiterate, transient bloggers. Eddie Murphy's loss can be attributed to a singular force: the miserable failure that is Norbit. Every time I see a commercial for that movie my eyes burn as though they are infected by a new strain of gonorrhea. That fat suit has gotta smell like that area between John Goodman's legs.

I would say only in America, but most people can probably realize that. The once greatly bigoted and hate filled Senator Strom Thurmond's relatives owned not just any slaves, but the ancestors of the venerable Reverend Al Sharpton. Wouldn't it be funny if somehow Strom was Al Sharpton's uncle? You know the other uncle, the one who spews profanities in front of the 3 year olds his whiskey covered breath filling the air. And he was a Senator, at least he wasn't friends with Mark Foley. A cheap shot I know, but I had to get it in there.

Once again the most interesting quote of the weekend went to this suburban dweller, or rather it was a quote about me. Not too often are the words, "What are you doing with that knife?" uttered in a way that does not bring about memories of brutal slayings remembered from the horror films that comforted my youth. Perhaps here lies the answer. If there are still pirates in the world and I'm not one of them, I'm going to defend myself from them. Yet a pivotal point did arise, how many pirates exist in New York City. Probably more than Bloomberg is willing to recognize. Who wants to crew this galleon?

Lastly we come to the tug of war between the steamrolling obsession that is Heroes and my recent enthrallment with the newest episodes of Lost. While I was hooked on Lost from episode 1 only to watch the past season and a half be butchered by writers who had scribed for a show never expected to succeed. High concept rarely succeeds because the conceits needed are usually ignored by Hollywood, so Lost's success certainly came as a surprise. Confused and misguided, the writers used the past season as a filler to figure out exactly where to go from here. Their most recent results: most promising, yet doubts still swim doggingly. Heroes on the other hand learned from Lost, always be a working towards a definitive end when working with high concept. Supposedly there is a 5 year plan which is a step in the right direction. And its funny that high concept applies to what is essentially an X-Men rip off, be it a well done one.

The only thing to fear is politicians

The media, politicians and corporations big and small all understand the power of fear. At its core fear is a way to monger illegitimate support. Perhaps more importantly it can be used for ever increasing economic gains. Fear is a motivator, a tool used by the elitist domination over the ignorant tribes of the American wasteland. Just look at the ignorance plaguing the Boston councils, the city's leaders fell prey to weak minded ideologies of fear. Henry Jenkins has a fascinating post on the politics of fear which can be found here. The main problem of fear mongering is that there exists no plausible way to defeat such unsound arguments. So I think the government in Boston overreacted to the vast Mooninite threat, apparently I am soft on terrorism. God forbid the concept that once you change a lifestyle in reaction to a threat against such lifestyle, the group creating the threat wins. I understand the need for security, but when such security is developed out of the lies of fear the terrorists have already defeated us. Just look at the French.

Speaking of ignorant viewpoints, I have been glorified to deliver a message on the same scale as intelligent design. Apparently the curvature of the horizon is a lie and Antarctica is nothing more than a 150 foot tall ice wall which shields us from the danger of the cosmos. Yes folks its true, the earth is flat at least according to these scientific experts. I guess that trip I took from Hawaii to Japan didn't actually fly over the pacific, rather the pilot lied on the voyage. As the nerve gas developed by the reverse vampires slowly sank into my bloodstream a call echoed across the fuselage. "Folks this is your captain, in order to avoid the the thralls of Satan's round world we will be gassing you for several hours. We will be arriving in Tokyo after turning around because the world ends exacrtly 4.2 miles ahead. This is Quantas airlines thanking you ahead of time." Its too bad that the rotation of the earth is nothing more than an illusion of man created to deal with the reality of flat earth. I guess decent explorer in the history of mankind was wrong. I hope the earth doesn't fall off the turtle's back, we might have an earthquake. Gravity was invented by the Rand corporation in 1994.


Sometimes I feel like the Atlas of common sense.

Love beyond boundaries

If you have looked on the interweb recently, the picture of a married couple has been floating about. The picture in question features an Iraq vet who returned to marry his childhood sweetheart. It is quite possibly the most important picture taken since the Iraq war began, because it displays the power of the heart in overcoming all adversity. You can find the story here, and I hope that it is shared with all your friends.

I guess Best Buy has decided that deception is the key marketing tool for economic success. Forget honoring online specials, our own intranet shows that you the customer was fooled. Go home but don't check that what you saw was the correct price, it wasn't. I mean look, I'm a customer service employess dressed in one of those outrageously bad blue polo shirts. Bend over and grip the table, this will only hurt for a few moments. I would go to Circuit City, but that place is like the Wal-Mart of electronics; filled with illiterate hicks who can't offer a difference between a Mac and a PC. I wanna open my own store, called Electronics for intelligent people. The problem is, intelligent people rarely buy utterly useless devices.

No longer is physical fitness any sort of priority; kids might fail gym class and that is bad. And the first step towards failure is to try, so we might as well remove any obstacles in life. Just get rid of gym class and kids no longer have to worry about failure. Forget obesity, heart disease and non-competitive natures, those problems will solve themselves. Of course it is better if our kids never fail or face adversity, it might damage their fragile psyches. I can't wait for the day when more than 3/4's of America's youth can do the Truffle Shuffle.

I'm dancing in a sea of pickle juice, licking the fingers of political vegetables.

Like a cracked out Marilyn Monroe

While Anna Nicole Smith's death surprised even a prescient mind such as mine own, the amount of coverage that such a pointless and trivial life is receiving in the modern media is truly scary. Yes she was a celebrity albeit a useless one and yes her death was tragic. But had Marilyn Monroe died of a crack overdose, even she would not have received such airplay. It is truly saddening when the most important news of the day is the failed autopsy of a slutty blond tramp. Yes I said it and yes it was true. The media is placing Smith on a pedestal usually reserved for movie stars, forget writers, scientists and musicians. Whose gonna be the next tragic death, Flava Flav? I'll bet that'll be one pimping funeral.

I guess the scientific study of colleges has realized what any frat boy could tell you, that women drink as much as men. Having been and currently attempting to be a college student, I will vouch for the sanctity of coed beer pong. Many a virginity has been lost after several rousing matches with the bouncing white balls of intoxication. I can't believe that money is actually being wasted on determining who drinks more on college campuses. Why not ask who enjoys the donkey shows more, I am certain the results will astound you.

The epitome of internetual evolution (I have created another new term) is apparently facing economic collapse. Wikipedia, a paradigmatic example of what the internet was designed for is supposedly three to four months from financial failure. An example of free collective knowledge, this digital encyclopedia has exhibited startling growth and possibility while concern about its future has been largely ignored. My only fear is that this free range information database will fall into the hands of corporate aristocracy and lose the trustworthiness that has filled the ranks of its users. Microsoft and Wal-Mart have made known their antagonistic nature towards all things Wiki, until all articles are of a positive nature. The last bastion of free speech has now fallen to the bloggers whose rights will surely soon come under attack.

And here we come once again to the erosion of free and viable speech. The word "vagina" has entered the American canon of words which dare not be uttered nor seen by children. Welcome to a world where uncomfortable questions can be avoided by complaint, rather than the failed attempts by moronic parents to answer such questions. We live in a society dominated by fear, fear of attack, fear of sex and ear of knowledge. It would appear that medieval doctrines of life never disappeared. It's funny that the people who hate and fear radical Islamists share the most in common with them. Tonight its the Warriors of Jehova in the red corner and the Warriors of Allah in the blue corner, with knowledge and free expression having been knocked out in the first round.

And the lesbians come marching in

The military policy of don't ask, don't tell seems to be paying off. Our leaders apparently forced the resignation of a number of homosexual foreign language experts, particularly those in Arabic. And here they are crying for qualified foreign speakers to risk their lives in an oil based war. If I was getting sent to Iraq, the claim of being gay would be a viable option. Every time I hear congressional members speak I wonder if they have any idea about what is truly going on. Perhaps Rep. Ackerman does. A platoon of lesbians to defeat Americans in Iraq? Well Nancy Grace is certainly doing a damaging enough job and she certainly looks like a dyke but certainly far less intelligent. Just send those platoons of lesbians to my door; I know exactly what to do with them. Quick get the camera and 300 cans of creamed corn.

Anyone else who has walked down the NYC streets with even a shred of self-awareness and intelligence realizes that about 3/4 of the city should more than likely be nuked to the banks of the River Styx. Yes chemical castration is a viable option for most of the population and should be considered freely. How many times have you handed a person enough money to get a fiver back and they hand you four 1's because they are unable to realize 4+1=5.
The lack of mathematical ability in this country is generally considered astounding. But it should come as no surprise, science and mathematics are not the realm of the white population. We're better at praying to the altar of image, theft and the lies of capitalism. Technological innovation was always better adapted to those who were not so concerned over which movie star ate what cinnamon roll for breakfast. Screw this, I'm moving to Micronesia.

DRM, the bane of digital music's existence has received two possibly devastating attacks. First Steve Jobs attacks the true nature of DRM and states that its existence is utterly pointless. Secondly it appears that EMI is considering dropping DRM from any of its online music libraries. Perhaps the recording industry has finally realized that the champions of online pirating security are nothing more than the internet equivalent of the Homeland Security department. Ignorance and red tape seems to dominate not only the government but every echelon of business existence. Further proof that chemical castration is a good answer.

Oh man, my conspiracy theorist best friend has been proven right. I knew that footage in Signs was real, M. Night Shamalyan you can't fool the yeti. Now if only Chile will admit that those peppers are genetically enhanced by hormone fed cow's shit. I need a glass of glowing green milk to wash all this down. Mmm, radioactivity grant me the powers of cream. Oh wait, maybe thats not such a good thing.

We represent

The unfortunate situation of man's inevitable downfall is the return to medieval spiritualism, a sort of religious de-evolution one may say. Science is in itself a form of dogma, albeit one which relies on the ability of reason to answer the questionable rather than a sustaining faith in the face of the unknown. The dogma of science is that everything is ultimately answerable which unfortunatley creates a finite universe. And that is something which frightens our quasi religious friends. Christianity has no place in a finite universe because God is finite. Logic it seems is quite incompatable with our current religious practices. Just look at the hatred of evolution, a process quite intangibly linked to human existence and perhaps just as impressive a wonder as a god.

Last night's episode of Lost was actually quite good, though still not up to par with season 1. However the good news is that more questions were answered in the 42 minutes of television Wednesday night than in the previous six episodes before hiatus. Now if only they could show it in 3-d so Evangeline Lilly would walk into my living room. It'd be like watching a dirty, sexier Princess Leia do a little jingle.

It's too bad SSAD is a disease sweeping across America. I mean first it hits Ted Haggard and the Catholic Priests. But now comes the good news, America's foremost scientific authority, the church, has revealed that Same Sex Attraction Disorder can be cured. Huzzah, I just wonder where all the good designers and interior decorators will go. And if you can't tell, I'm being a sarcastic bastard. Homosexual men and women deserve the same rights and treatment as we would afford any other human being. Which if you look around the world, isn' that good after all. Oh Denny Crane where are you, I'll even buy you a midget that looks like Oprah. Hell screw Denny Crane, just hand me the midget.

Finally we come to another great blunder in the mess that is called "Iraq." After revealing that the Pentagon had sold weapons to both Iran and the Chinese, comes word that the U.S. dropped 4 billion dollars in cash money right into Baghdad. Supposedly the crates weighed 363 tons, which is almost as much as whats in Cheney's back pocket. We send 4 billion in cash to a country halfway around the world and I can't afford healthcare. Woot, the system wins again.

Back in the saddle

Ok, so its been a couple of long weeks what with the moving and the schooling of my unedumacated mind and all. But hopefully such painful rights of transition are behind me. Moving ever onward and forward into the dark embrace of mother nature's seriously generous bosom.

The media's propensity to decry fear and monger hatred within Americans expressed itself fully over the past week with the incidents in Boston. While the creators of the terrorist lite brite assault on the New England city were ultimately filled with foolishness, the city and the media at large wholly overreacted. If I were an actual terrorist, my bomb would not be covered in hundreds of blinking lights, illuminating a 8-bit image flipping asshats the bird. It would merely blow up. Yet once again we leave it to sensationalism and bureaucracy to fill the consciousness of the public with dreams of hyperbolic insanity. And the argument that we cannot do such things in a post 9-11 world is empty of all meaning. The instant that we change our lifestyles to prevent terrorism, it has already won. The war was over long ago. Yet on the sunnier side, there is this.

Apparently sharing lists over this interweb thing is becoming quite popular. And I can state with general certainty and listless sarcasm that such compounded fascinations are pointless, for the most part. However once in a while certain passive knowledge sites catch even my eye. Here you can find a list of the top 10 companies who hold private information.

Two things. First, it is infinitely exciting for some reason that Google does not hold the number one position on the list. It is certainly number one in my heart, next to that portable Slurpee machine I got for Christmas. Secondly is that I am not sure Amazon should truly qualify for the list. Generally Amazon recieves personal information voluntarily, whereas many others on the list do so in much shadier ways. I hear Microsoft actually hired a Internet Explorer necromancer to revive all the dead information lost by such an evil. Zombie pop-ups are being spotted everywhere. In Boston the authorities apparently thought it was a bomb.


Gamasutra, the Playboy magazine of video games has released their view of top multiplayer developments. Every game is deserved of a place, yet the group as a whole feels empty. I am not sure how both Smash TV and Gauntlet were left off the list, except perhaps to make room for the plagarist Battlefield titles. Reminiscing has made me pine for the excitement that was Tribes. A game that requires more skill and has fewer dicks than Counter-Strike (yes it is fully populated by homophobic males with the intelligence of a genetically enhanced jar of mayonnaise; you weren't dreaming). Having a jet pack would be so sweet.

Not only is the Christian Church facing vast losses of their followers, but the song of Apollo is luring Greeks away from orthodoxy. It is amusing how a structure devoted entirely to the preservation of classical ideals, hates the revival of interest in historicity. All hail the mighty Zeus, that thunderbolt which landed between my crotch scared me into belief. Oooh, another thing shared in common with Christianity and Boston.

Peace out my little cherubs.

Illegitimate cherubs

The verdict is still in doubt. Those damnable politicians with cute little button noses have taken the first step towards absolution. Or so they hope. On the heels of a dry and empty threaded speech by the mighty emperor Bush, they have pushed forth resolutions to hang the Texan cowboy upside by his genitalia until he relents. Which of course will never happen. George's boys must be doubled over in nauseous pain. I just hope he doesn't upchuck on the Armed Services Committee. And the Flava of the Republican White House has decided to get in touch with his common roots. I don't know what this "hogwash" is, but I want in.

In other less substantial fare, it appears that Sony is bound and determined to sell the PS3 at $600. I'm guessing they wanna have it cover the production costs sometime before 2050. Not only has there been slew of pithing comments directed towards the Japanese giant by game programmers, but now the PS3 is gonna continue at the same expense as a cleveland steamer. My weekly allowance won't allow me both, and the steamer is actually sounding more fun. When did Sony go from must have to worse than an awful sexual proposition? Probably when they decided to send the entertainment market straight to hell by dividing the HD-DVD format. They pissed off the gods of capitalism.

In what has become a passing tradition for new roommates, I watched a rather hilarious classic kung fu movie. I use the word classic cautiously, the one voice over sounded rather similar to a drunken John Wayne. Who knew the duke had been so broke and liquored up. I cannot help but recommend East West DVD, whose primary market is those little $1 bins in your local grocery store. 90 minutes of unadulterated camp for one buck. If only there had been boobies.

New Beginnings

So the move in to Purchase went rather smoothly. My roommate is pleasantly chill and has a rabid love of reggae, which I must state is infinitely cool. However there exist rumors abound that Purchase is actually nothing more than a breeding ground for Andy Warhol like terrorists. More on the impending doom to come.

Fox, the perennial example of all things thoughtfully simple has created yet another guilty pleasure of the delicious boob tube. The launch of "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?" will certainly be met with protestations and empty condemnation, and that does not deter me. Even the fact that merely opening my eyes during such entertainment will swallow my soul, I will not be able to turn away. I can only hope it is as good as it sounds, like Jeopardy after the slow long burn of crack. Maybe they can pull a couple of contestants from Stern's equivalent radio program. My heart flutters in bemused anticipation.

Slate has an intriguing article written because of the glorious success of Heroes. They give a thought provoking examination of primarily underground comics which are character based as opposed to the traditional realm of the utterly fantastical to the illustrated realm. It's argument succeeds even where it is not openly stated, comics like great literature are a form of artistry. It is sad however that they are relegated to below "24" in the cannon of American entertainment. I mean Jack Bauer is cool, but not as cool as a talking 40 foot cement monster. I know what you're thinking but I mean that other 40 foot talking monster. The one that's rather intricately drawn in monochrome.


Numerous times I have noted the disappearance of First Amendment rights, rights which have never fully embraced by the American politicians. Support for free speech is vociferously defended by hollow promises, ones which will so obviously go unfulfilled. Luckily the bill to force someone such as myself to register with the government just for spreading knowledge was swiftly defeated in Congress. Yet now the subpoenas are flying like chickens in heat. And they are just as morally corrupt, if chickens can be corrupt at all. One unlucky journalist is being forced to both release and corroborate quotes associated with a former soldier who argues the war in Iraq is both unjust and illegal. While the privacy of sources is not guaranteed in certain aspects (i.e. murder), in the case where the only crime is dissent. The military is necessary and uniformity pertinent, but in times of a unjust battle our leaders and the public must be made aware of it.

Welcome to the hell of journalistic integrity, where Free Speech is the first bastion of defense on the path to Hades. Because the Catholic Church is fully infallible.

Moose rape

It only took far longer than necessary, but the realization that Sylvia Browne is absolute fraud has finally hit home. Not only did she tell the family of Shawn Hornbeck that he was dead, but tried to solicit money from the family to communicate with the supposedly dead boy. But Shawn was found days ago, alive and moderately well off, given that he was kidnapped and not killed. Sylvia Browne is evil and blight upon this land, one which should be quickly eradicated. Preying upon the weak minded is bad enough, but to profit and claim that it is done in the name of God, that is unforgivable. I hope that she is anally raped by a large moose in punishment, although that would not be close to equal to the pain she caused through such outright lies.

Your rights no longer exist in this country. According to Alberto Gonzales, Habeas Corpus does not constitutionally apply to everyone. It's so nice to know that we live in country which bases its laws on pre-Magna Carta concepts. Given the general idiocy of the public at large, we might as well switch from an oligarchy back to a monarchy. And yes we do live in an oligarchy, one under the disguise of a republic, which itself exists under the guise of democracy. Hell I can do better, let's bring back slavery all together, maybe even euthenize the poor to decrease the surplus population. Welcome to the second dark ages where we live in fear of the smiting hand of God who responds to the commands of fat, overindulgent, priest-kings. 800 years of history rewritten in less than 6. Of course it hurts, that's a red and blue elephant screwing you; hard.

Episodic gaming is gathering steam quicker than a Starbucks espresso machine. Half-Life 2 provided the first glimpse for the potential of such a format, and actually managed to revive one of the great franchises in Sam and Max. Word from BioWare is that they have realized the value of such a distribution format. One must wonder if the demise of Gamestop is rapidly approaching. What will their acne riddled, over sized, lisped employees do? Maybe go and hide with large number of bacon wrapped whoppers. So tasty.

Ok that last one was kinda mean. It was meant more for those guys who work at Time-Out while hiding in their parents basement every time a girl passes by.

Weep like a babe

One of the finest shows on television for the past couple of years has been Grey's Anatomy. Understanding that there is little originality, does not keep the program from being excellently made. When I attended Geneseo, the show was essentially watched by the entire college community. Not to watch it meant you were to be shunned like the fat kid in high school. So it is with little reservation that I fully emasculate myself.

Tonight I cried watching as George wished goodbye to his father. Not little tears which whimpered from my eyes, but a river of salty fluids gushed forth. I could not contain it, and more importantly I did not try to. Never has the death of such a minor character on a television show had such an impact. Between Grey's and Battlestar alone I could spend months glued to the large glowing box. My hair might fall out, but with any luck I'll be sent to Seattle Grace.

The Chinese have developed a satellite destroying missile, which the U.S. was quick to condemn. If only because we didn't create one first. While I admit this is a rather intriguing development in a country that pushes militarization, it is hard to fault them for developing what is essentially a defensive technology. These missiles may pose a threat, but they were most likely created as a deterrent for space based weapon technology, which the U.S. is assuredly working on. Area 51 is a lie, they develop advanced forms of teletubbie technology to overtake the world there. Hoboken, NJ is where the real work gets done; underground. Trust me, I have seen area 52 and it is glorious.

Congress appears to both save or condemn itself, given that it isn't a weekend, Friday after 2 pm, a religious holiday, a party retreat, on an election tour, visiting with congressional districts, visiting with lobbyists, or smoking cigarettes. Which leaves about 100 days a year for our representative faction to do something useful. Right after they agree to lower interest rates on congressional loans, a bill is introduced that seeks to control our right to privacy online. It appears that when they swear on the Bible or Koran, it is the hypocritic oath (borrowed from my buddies at PA). That means congress has the right to radically alter its beliefs whenever it's convenient. Congratulations Nancy Pelosi, if you weren't so sexy I'd sack you right here and now.

Anyone with certain level of technological knowledge is aware of the existence of Gears of War, and if you aren't I hope you have had your head up the ass of a rather attractive sheep. Slate magazine has a rather eloquent review of the game and the reasons for its success. As I have noted before, Gears of War succeeds because it is essentially Halo, with the jump button swapped for a duck button. It is amazing how such a simple change can radically alter game play in a positive direction. This may be a road map to success for future developers, taken a proven formula and alter it in a mild way to make it unique and you have a platinum product. Now if only they could make another Legacy of Kain game, one of the most underrated series of all time.

Those damned icicles

Imagine if you will the hypothetical existence of perfection. Ask where this perfection exists, and the answer will blow your mind. Hypothetically that is.

HBO in all their glorious wisdom will be adapting "A Song of Fire and Ice," series of books by George R.R. Martin for television. The extraneous form of visual pictures unfortunately. While HBO's previous attempts at serial television have been met with critical success I have never truly felt the need to spend such hard earned cash on so few channels. What I have seen of the HBO series', have been mixed. I know that my heresy here may condemn me forever yet it must be said. The Sopranos was and is overrated. It is an eloquently done show, yet it is merely Goodfellas done serialized. Having caught a number of episodes of Six Feet Under on Bravo, I think that it was the finest production HBO has ever done. Now one can only hope that the casting for the Martin series is done properly and HBO is welling to properly budget it. It is a mix of hope and dread that I have not felt for sometime.

For a certain number of years now I have argued two various points. A) That the prohibition on drugs is causing more harm than good, making the war on drugs a pointless, futile effort that is only important to war profiteers. B) That drug tests as screening for employment are a violation of civil rights, given that anything that occurs away from the job can have no bearing on such job, unless they are arrested in a criminal offense.

Apparently I am not the only one who agrees with the former point. Many former policemen and officials agree that the War on Drugs is as futile as searching for a pin in the Atlantic. And if anyone would know what failure is, I am certain it is the soldiers of war. The same truth that we must face in Iraq. Selective hearing is a key component to joining congress. At any point that a law which is certainly unconstitutional but protects profits is challenged, our leaders suddenly find themselves deaf to all concerns.

Now that Bush has fired all the U.S. attorneys, he is sicking the lackeys of the GOP on the First Amendment rights, particularly those of the blogger communities. A Republican introduced bill would force all those critically oppose Congress to register. If they do not, penalties and jail time could and would result. My response:

Huzzah to the warlords of America, for they are the true masters. I pledge my life and the life of my children to your cause, if only because of the muzzle pointed at my liberties.